3 weeks gone and 4 lbs gained :-(

So, I've had kindof a long break. About three weeks of not counting points. I'd make an effort a couple days a week, but I completely gave up exercising and I know I've been going over my points, because I've gained back about 4 lbs. Yipee. I thought I had a good shot of making my goal of losing 10lbs by july 29, but seeing as I'm now 2lbs over frm where I was when I set that goal, I'll be lucky if I make it halfway. 

Sigh.

I don't know why I do this to myself- why do I give up just when it seems like I'm doing well? I get going on a roll, I do well, and then I think, I'm doing pretty well, I don't need to count today. I don't need to go running. And then it just spirals downward.

I'm just so disgusted with myself! Of course I'm starting back today, but . . . I'm just so tired of starting back, starting over again, and again, and again. Because every time I do it means that I've failed, again.

I want so badly, just for once in my life, to be skinny. To be fit. I'll be 30 in a little over two years, and I want to be skinny for at least some of my 20s. Sometimes I feel like it's hopeless.

I wish I had the will power to just do it. Just lose the weight. But time after time, I prove to myself that I can't. 

My WW buddy has been out of town lately, so I haven't really had team workouts or anything like that. I need somebody to keep me accountable, somebody to exchange food journals with or something.

I would reaaaaally appreciate any words of encouragement! TIA!